Crazy, the word that has been thrown around in all my court documents. Judge Cahan has deemed me mentally ill, there’s no law on being crazy or mentally ill, unless your a danger to yourself or others, which I’m not. A year ago I was court ordered to under go a mental evaluation because Jonathan LaVoi said I was “crazy”. Since May of last year I’ve undergone 13 mental evaluations all by differentpsychologists, all filed with the courts and still to this day Judge Cahan discredits all psychologists I’ve seen because she’s not happy with what the outcomes are; post traumatic stress disorder because of being a victim of domestic violence.
I started seeing a counselor when I got pregnant to cope with Jonathan’s abuse and the fact that he walked away leaving me a single mom and my child fatherless. Jonathan LaVoi was not with me at all during my pregnancy . We talked but once a month if even that and it was mainly him degrading me, saying the baby was not his and that the baby needs to die. When I was a month pregnant he had all 4 of my tires slashed in hopes of harming me and my unborn child because I refused abortion. February 1, 2012 was the one and only prenatal appointment he went to. He yelled and degraded me and then said “I’m still wishing for the baby to die”, in front of the doctor. That very saying cut through me like a knife, how could anyone want an innocent child to die let alone their own flesh and blood. This was all documented in my medical records that the father of baby is a danger to mother and child and that father needs to have supervised visits with the child.
This was also filed with the courts and Cahan discredited my OBGYN. I have over a hundred pages of medical records stating how horrible and abusive Jonathan is to me. There were a few times I was put in the hospital while I was pregnant not because of my hypermesis but because Jonathan hit me in my stomach and tried running me over, this was noted as assault.
Many people get mad because I allowed him in the delivery room. It was my choice and I wanted him there thinking that just maybe he may change when he sees what my body has to go through or for any women for that matter, to bring a life into this world and that maybe he would have respect for me or women in general, I was wrong! He got 100% worse. My medical records from when I had my son states how horrible the father of the baby was to the mother. He yelled at me and degraded me and once again wished for my baby to die. This was also filed with the courts and once again Judge Cahan discredited medical providers.
Can you go back to the day that your child(ren) where born and remember what you felt when you saw him/her for the first time? I cried when I first saw my son. I had all these emotions going through me, am I going to be a good mom, will I be able to do this on my own and I can’t believe I carried this little life for 9+ months. 10 fingers, 10 toes right to his little nose he was perfect, a little miracle and half of me and I loved all of him before he was born. Jonathan testified that he was “angry, pissed off”, when he seen Lance for the first time. Not an emotion you expect to hear, but with the way he treated me I wasn’t all that surprised. Jonathan did stay with me in the hospital. I really wished that he didn’t he was more of a waste of space than helpful. I remember the next day Jonathan going off on me, calling me names that I actually took the blanket on my hospital bed got underneath them and pulled them over my head and put my hands over my ears like a little kid when they are scared, crying hysterically. He left, no goodbye or hug to Lance, gone and never looked back. It took him almost a week before he contacted me wanting to see Lance.
I drove out to Port Orchard to let him see him for a few hours. He wouldn’t allow me at his house but what he doesn’t know is I never left I was outside the whole time, because if he did anything to my son 911 would be called and I was going in. Jon didn’t see Lance the remainder of the month, I started getting phone calls from blocked numbers saying that Jonathan is going around saying I was dead, this made me upset so I refused to talk to him. Until September 28, 2012 he asked to see Lance the next day early in the morning, I agreed but only for a few hours. September 29, 2012 I was assaulted and put in the hospital by Jonathan. He had evil in his eyes and I believe he was trying to kill me that day. My mom drove me out there, if she wasn’t there I’m pretty sure I would be 6ft in the ground and my son would be motherless. Thank God he didn’t touch my baby. He kicked me, punched me in my chest, picked me up by my shirt and threw me into his house, kneed me in the stomach. I was so mad that I went to hit him in his face for hurting me and when I was about to he grabbed both of my wrists and twisted them behind my back threw me to the ground kicked me, picked me up and threw me on concrete. I was very bruised and broken. Police where called, he never went to jail they didn’t find probable cause of him assaulting me (he’s friends with the commanding officer) but the police where going to call an aid car to go to the hospital, because of him I may never be able to have anymore children. Jonathan has many versions of this to the courts, first I hurt myself then he admitted in trial that he did assault me because I deserved it and that he will do it again and he will do it to other women. Judge Regina Cahan, out of Washington state, found this acceptable.
A few months later he changed his number but not before texting me that he is walking away. That’s when I filed for a parenting plan all the police have told me to do it to protect my son and myself and what use did that do? Now Jonathan is the protected one and I’m the accused villain.
I’ve been in this corrupt court system since Lance was 2 months old, I honestly feel like I’ve missed his first year and for that I feel like a horrible mother. I promised to take him to the zoo or out to the park only to have been served with court papers for an emergency hearing for contempt. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been put in contempt but every time I was denied a public defender and every time I got sanctioned to pay $2500 for his attorney fees. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve gone to court, once I went to the court house 7x in one day. I feel like it’s my second home, but a home shouldn’t make you feel nauseous, scared, angry or feel like a criminal. That’s how I feel every time I walk into a court house or have to go to court. It’s even worse when I have to be in Regina Cahan’s court room, to the point I have actually passed out a few times and been rushed to the hospital. A court house shouldn’t make a victim of domestic violence feel that way they should make a victim feel safe knowing the government will do the right thing. In my case the government failed my son and I. They failed to protect us, the victims, but instead they protected the abuser.
I’ve gone to great lengths to protect my son, as far as having a warrant out for my arrest for not handing him over when I lost custody that fateful September day. September 26, 2013, it was just supposed to be pretrial and nothing else. Pretrial leading up to the finalized parenting plan, but it was the day my sons father would hurt me more than anything in the world. Hurt more than the sprained ankle, bruised chest, broken rib, twisted wrists, all the name calling, this hurt more than all that. When Cahan said there needs to be an immediate change of custody to Mr. Jonathan LaVoi, Jon sat there in his chair next to his attorney and did the hand motion of “yes” and looked right at me with the most evil smile I have ever seen, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone in my life and when I saw him do that when Judge Cahan took my son from me, all the pain he has put me through and that he felt the excruciating pain I was feeling at that very moment. The pain I’m talking about it a million knifes being stabbed through your heart and then a million more in each lung not being able to breathe. For a week I hid my son, I didn’t turn him over. I had to protect him. I knew I could have gone to jail, I knew there would be an amber alert out but I knew if I handed him over I was allowing my son to be abused and that Jonathan would withhold Lance from me (which he did for 4 months). I thank my family the ONES who helped give me a few extra days with my son, to be there to watch him grow, learn , laugh, walk to cuddle with, tuck in at night, I thank you because if you wouldn’t have I would have never got to give a proper goodbye and tell him that his mommy will always fight for him and to stay strong.
Many of us would have loved to give loved ones that have passed on a proper goodbye or have those few extra minutes with the ones we love, I know I haven’t lost my son in that sense but I have lost my son in another way of loosing a loved one and for that I am grieving not because he’s gone but because I can’t see or talk to him daily, watch him grow up, watching him sleep peacefully at night, cleaning up after his messes, cuddling with him not seeing him for any holiday. I am a mother who had her world taken from her. I never believed in love at first sight, but my son made me a believer. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I would go to the end of the world and back and continue to keep fighting to get my little boy back.
I will admit I fell in love with Jonathan LaVoi, well at least I thought I did. I thought he may have potentially been the one, but looking back now his abuse started from our very first date and I didn’t see it. I didn’t know the signs of an abuser, he fits an abuser to a T. What I fell in love with was what he masked himself to be, this perfect charming man that had no flaws and never did anything wrong. If I would’ve done a background check on him when we met and finding his long criminal history I would’ve been gone sooner. Some days I wish I never met him, but I try not to say or think that because saying that is like saying I wish I never had my son.
Jonathan not only has physically, emotionally and mentally hurt me but he has financially hurt me. I have to pay over $100,000 of his attorney fees, pay over $600+ a month to see my son & my wages are garnished up to 85+% for child support leaving me with almost nothing. At times I feel like the worst mother in the world because I’m the one who has to cancel my supervised visits with my son because I am unable to afford it, that is one of the hardest things I have to do and no mother should have to deny seeing their child because they can’t afford to see him/her. Judge Regina Cahan thinks this is acceptable so does Jonathan. Why is it that a boy who never wanted my son, never once paid a dime for my pregnancy or helped pay for anything for the child get custody? How does this happen? How can the judicial system fail a child and mother so badly? Why will no one listen? Why will no one help? Every judicial officer turns and looks the other way with no remorse, I’m almost ashamed to call myself American.
I can quote you laws after laws that have been broken and no one cares. I get laughed at or told I’m cute. The only difference between me and an attorney is they have a law degree and I don’t, I’m pretty sure I know more law than them anyways. I have all the evidence in the world that Jonathan is abusive and will continue his abuse and has followed through on his threats. I also have all the evidence to show Judge Regina Cahan is a biased, racist, sexist judge. All I want is for someone to look and read my evidence and to help get my son back into safe hands. The judge Wednesday could have stopped all the abuse but instead he allowed it by forcing me to go to Cahan and Cahan allows it.
One thing that will always stick out in my head is in the Gaurdian ad Litem report by Lisa Barton, Jonathan told her, “it takes alot for me to say this but I am ready to raise Lance on my own and I’m not doing it out of spike to hurt Kyla”. Spite, it is out of spite, for the past year he has told me he hates me so much he wants to punch my son in the face and wants me dead and this is the man the courts gave my son to. Why, all because Jonathan LaVoi used one little word, “crazy”.